I had no idea joy, pain, exhaustion and sheer delight waited for us. I had no idea this tiny baby growing inside me had a genetic disorder. I had no idea he would break my heart, turn my world upside down and then slowly help me heal and grow into a person who loves more deeply.
I remember holding the positive pregnancy test in my hand. I was sitting in the bathroom of our small apartment near Los Angeles. We had been married for three years and we had been trying to start a family for the last six months. I felt like the wind was knocked out of me as the HUGENESS of the moment filled the room. I stared at the pregnancy test in disbelief.
“We are going to have a baby.” I thought. “Oh my goodness, there is already a baby growing inside me.”
We had boarded an unstoppable train headed toward an unknown destination. We wanted to start a family and we were trying to get pregnant, but when I saw the positive test I was terrified. I had been dreaming of this day since I was a little girl. When it arrived I was surprised to find myself so afraid.
My life was about to change in massive ways.
I was about to fall in love with a little boy who would forever change my heart.
The unknown is scary and I was looking into a vast world of unknowns.
The intersection where dreams and reality meet is perhaps the most terrifying place to be.
I stood on the edge of the known, looking into the unknown, with shaking legs.
Looking back, I could see where I had been.
Looking around me, I could see where I was.
But looking forward I could see nothing.
I took a step forward.
It was one of the most important steps of my life. David has brought beauty and joy to our family and changed us in amazing ways. He continues to grow and thrive and show us what it looks like to live with joy.
A couple years later I stood at another crossroads.
David was a baby, I was teaching part-time in our local school district and stringing beads into necklaces in the evening. A little dream started to grow inside my heart. What if I could turn this creative hobby into a little business? Friends loved my handmade jewelry and my coworkers were asking if they could purchase my necklaces and bracelets. I decided to make it official and get a business license.
As I got into my car to make my way towards City Hall, I felt sick to my stomach with nervousness.
“Surely they do not give business licenses to people like me. They are going to laugh me out of the building.” I thought. “They will know I am a fraud as soon as I step through the door.”
My heart was pounding and I felt my face go red as I asked the receptionist for a business license application. My hands shook as I searched for a pen in my purse and began filling it out line by line.
I had no idea incredible opportunities and long sleepless nights waited for me. I had no idea my little business would grow and change. I had no idea two years later I would quit my job to focus on making jewelry. I had no idea some day my husband and I would have a team of amazing individuals helping us with marketing, customer service and manufacturing.
The intersection where dreams and reality meet is perhaps the most terrifying place to be.
I stood on the edge of the known, looking into the unknown, with a shaking hands and a red face.
I took a step forward.
No matter how difficult, wonderful or mundane our circumstances, they are known—there is comfort in what is known. But the what lies ahead is unknown and the unknown can be deeply unsettling. We do not know what the future holds and deep down we know, we do not control the future.
We feel fear.
But we do not face fear alone.
We have a powerful force behind us.
With hope at our back we take a step into the unknown.
At the intersection of dreams and reality, it is natural to feel fear.
Fear does not make us weak.
Fear makes us human.
When we move through fear toward what is true and right and beautiful, it makes us brave.
With each timid step the future becomes the present and the present becomes the past.
All that is required in any moment, is one step.
We take that step with hope at our back.
Have you found yourself at the intersection where dreams and reality meet?
I am so touched early this morning, reading your never ending story. I only know you thru your jewery but I feel like I’ve known you forever. Your story is truly inspiring and so is your jewery, with a true complete meaning of the words “Hope and Love”. Thank you for sharing.
I didn’t realize this would be about starting a business,I guess you got us at being pregnant.Thought it would be about the love of life no matter what God thru at you.I certainly hope your son is well,God Bless !!
I love this! Lately I’ve been thinking more about pursing things that scare me but also make me come alive! Thank you for your words Lisa. 🙂
I received my rings. I love them. After I’ve read about your story it makes me love them more. THANK YOU !!!
When my son was born we entered a new reality… Searching for new meanings to the words:
Faith –for all he could be despite his diagnosis
Hope –for our daughter to grow stronger because of him
Love –unconditionally for the gift we were given
He looks just like your son’s photo.. It’s amazing how beautiful our Cdls’rs present as babies. We are one family.
I look forward to exploring your jewelry!
Have a CdLS baby grandson in Huntsville AL. I am in Raleigh NC. Any
Encouragement or suggestions for grandparents would be appreciated.
Feel helpless and so wish to be supportive!
Your ring, the sunburst ring has come to me with a lot of darkness in my life. My health, not so good. Then found out a fear friend out of state has a inoperable brain tumor. When for walking through darkness hoping a bit of light will start to shine through. Amongst a few other life changes, my job at the present time is going through change. Life is so uncertain right now. So very sad. Should not look to a ring for hope however it reminded me of the star I saw the night my mother passed. My husband and children noticed the brightness of that star that seemed to follow our car that night. And I need some ray of bright at this time with my dear friend and this tumor. Maybe give it to her once I get it. She could use it more then me. Thank you, can’t wait to see it.
When I saw your rings I knew they were exactly what I wanted. I’ve always wanted a way to honor and remember my dogs for their unconditional love over the years, they’re my children. The rings are beautiful with each of their names.
Thank You !
Just this weekend at a church leadership meeting we were all asked what was our greatest fear for 2017 was and our greatest source of excitement. Almost everyone in the room said the same thing for both categories. That what excited them also frightened them.
What a wonderful story. I can relate to you on so many aspects. I too am a teacher, and I also had a hard time getting pregnant for my first time. As with you, it was what I dreamed about all my life as I LOVE children. The pain of not being able to get pregnant when you want more than anything on Earth to have and hold your own little miracle was the worst experience of my life. Finally, after 5 years of trying every option available we were left with the last very expensive resort at the time…in-vitro fertilization. We decided we would take out a loan if needed as nothing could stop my desire to have a baby. We were extremely blessed and got pregnant the first round with a set of boy and girl twins!!! They have fulfilled my life and better yet I went on to have 2 more boys on my own. No explanation was ever found, but I no longer cared. God stood by me and carried me through that difficult time. The twins will turn 20 in two weeks, my other boys are now 17 and 10.
Unfortunately my relationship with my husband did not fare so well and we recently divorced in October (2016). After taking my wedding ring off after 24 years, I knew that your rings were the perfect replacement. I ordered them in November and had them hanging by ribbons on the Christmas tree and had each of my 4 kids place their name ring on my newly naked finger in their birth order. I am more than content now and absolutely love gazing at the 4 stacked rings over and over each day and feeling love and joy overwhelm my heart. Thank you so much for deciding to take the leap of faith you did. They are the best Christmas present I could have even given myself.
Dear Lisa, I was drawn to your jewelry’s uniqueness and meanings…also I am drawn in by your truthfulness and straightforwardness that many parents cannot express To have been given the gift of having a beautiful baby boy who is a special child —-he is special because he is yours. He has special gifts you have found such as his delight in that one musical instrument which offhand I cannot think of its name… He also has disabilities due to his hand lacking three fingers–but I feel in your family- he will be able to overcome obstacles … as you deal with his diagnosis…I have been accused of wearing rose-colored glasses–which I may–but as you said we have “HOPE”—and we have our God –who knows our every need…..and knows all the tears we shed – whether it be for our children, husband, family or ourselves…
I know you must have days that seem overwhelming and frustrating — as parents do –but you with the added strain and stress of keeping David safe, and making Matthias feel as important..
Matthias is also special–because he is yours–and for his caring for his brother…he melts my heart with his kindness and standing up for David….He is truly his brother’s keeper….what special boys you have — both born into a special family.
I am not downsizing what it takes to run a household with special needs — I’m sure you and your husband are exhausted at times…or probably most of the time,
but I applaud you for giving a true account of your life and the lessons you learn as you live it.
Be brave, my dear one, we are rooting for David, Matthias, you and your husband.. Love and Prayers for a special lady,
and the boys in your life…..that includes your husband.!!
Your story is a wonderful one. I have enjoyed wearing your jewelry.
My rings with the names of my daughters and granddaughter keep them near even when they are far from me.
I offer a word of caution for your business…..please try hard to communicate delivery time
slowdowns to your customers. My latest purchase was due
prior to Christmas (having
placed my order dec 3) but was not received till mid January. Each time I reached out I was told it was still in production.
I understand the holiday can be crazy for your business, but had I known the extent of the slowdown, I would have chosen another gift for my niece in order not to have her disappointed on Christmas morning.
My best to you, your family and future successes. ?
What a wonderful, moving story and I think you should be a writer or a poet as this was so delightful a read … Prayers for you and your darling family… Regards
I find that the place where reality and hope meet…,tears flow. I have found that I am not afraid of my tears. Since God bottles them I honor them. Thank you for sharing your reality and your hope. I wear your pieces everyday …with hope.
Lisa, I picked one of your bracelets and added my daughter in laws favorite names of her husband son and daughter. She is loving it and wears it every day it has definitely become one her favorites. Thank you for your inspiring story and the obvious love you put in your jewelry.
I read a wonderful, sad, inspiring and full-of-hope book, Through the Eyes of a Lion by Levi Lusko. In his book he talks about “running towards the roar” even when we are fearful. God is always behind, in front and surrounding us. We find our strength, courage and bravery in Him. So glad you took the step of faith with your business and beautiful family!
P.S. My husband blessed me with one of your family tree necklaces for Christmas. It was my favorite gift and I wear it nearly every day! Looking forward to what you do next and blessing others with your jewelry! 🙂
I’ve found, when I step out in faith and try something new and scary, good things happen. Everything doesn’t turn out amazing…sometimes there are disappointments and U turns, but I change. I become a little bit braver. A little bit more malleable. I become more flexible and able to make future changes.