what is the meaning of LOVE and maybe it doesn’t last…

maybe love doesn't last-01

When Steve and I got married almost 17 years ago, I had love figured out. Or at least, I thought I did. We vowed to love each other ‘for better or for worse’. I had the ‘better’ part all planned out. We would work hard, save our money, buy a cute little house, have a couple kids and keep on loving each other and having fun—just like we did while we were dating and engaged. I was confident we could avoid the ‘worse’ part. I mean, nobody loved each other like we did! We were going to beat the odds. Sure, we’d have the occasional argument—but that’s normal. We knew how to communicate and listen to each other. We had found true love and we were going to make it last.

Then life, in all it’s crazy, imperfectness began to get real.  Sometimes it was big stuff—like having a baby with a disability or getting fired from a job. Sometimes it was just the normal, every day stuff—the stress of grocery shopping on a tight budget or car trouble. I began to have hours, days, sometimes weeks were I didn’t feel that love I felt when we got married. But then we would reconnect. The love was still there {what a relief!}. Although it looked different. It didn’t feel new and shiny. It felt normal and comfortable. Love grows, love changes, that’s what love does, I told myself.

Then ten years into our marriage we started to see marriages around us crumble.  Close friends separated. A couple that mentored us split up. Sometimes it was an affair, sometimes it was just unhappiness. We couldn’t believe it. These were the people who showed us what made love last–and their love wasn’t lasting. It was unsettling and scary. In my own heart, I began to feel discontent.  A scary little thought crept in—maybe love doesn’t last.

We have walked through our own hard times–fighting, feeling disconnected, not understanding each other. There have been times where the anger and hurt feels much stronger than the love. I’ve wondered if our love was ever true. Maybe we weren’t well matched. Maybe we made a mistake. I suspect every marriage goes through these dark times. I think it’s the rule, not the exception.

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It seems true love gives all it has, breaks down, then reconnects to heal. A new love begins where the old love left off. Perhaps love is a journey of holding on to each other, even when you want to let go? True love is more about forgiveness than feelings. It’s more about giving than getting. It finds it’s hope in humility. Love begins, it breaks down, it begins again. Where love began is not where it will end. We will be broken and changed and hopefully over the years, with a lot of grace, we will find ourselves in a marriage that has lasted, defined by a love that has been renewed again and again.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast.

It is not proud.

It does not dishonor others.

It is not self-seeking.

It is not easily angered.

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 


172 comments

  1. After 3 months of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids, I felt like ending it all, i almost committed suicide because he left us with nothing, i was emotionally down all this while. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I came across several testimonies about this particular man. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he stop divorce. He is amazing, i also come across one particular testimony, it was about a woman called Shannon , she testified about how Dr.Mack brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped his email.(dr.mac@yahoo. com) After reading all these, I decided to give it a try. I contacted Dr.Mack via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We resolved our issues, and we are even happier than ever. Dr.Mack is gifted man, If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine person to help you, Try him anytime, he is the answer to your problems.!
    Lina María, Colombia

  2. You and your husband are blessed. Sounds like you both have what it takes. So many people take the easy out and walk when opportunity presents. Be thankful you have each other. Not all of us are so lucky.

  3. I am struggling in a dark place right now. My husband walked out a year ago after admitting to an affair. I have prayed for him every day and take my vows very setuoly. He is still with the other women and I have filed for divorce. It is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to go through. He had never had a real conversation with me about our marriage ending he acts as if I never existed. I will stay true to my marriage to the end but it is so very hurtful that someone promised you forever and just because things got hard he just literally walks out without saying anything. I don’t know how to fight for a marriage when he is unrepentivr for his affair.

    1. I’m so sorry you had to go through these hurtful, devastating things ! I do know that if someone doesn’t want to stay in a marriage we can’t make them. However, you must still continue to strive to be happy and if you are true to yourself in knowing that you gave your very best in this marriage, but he didn’t want to give his, then yes, I believe that you have to let him go. You can’t make someone love you the way that you love them ! I wish you the very best that life has to offer, until we meet in heaven my friend !!! Sincerely, April

    2. I too have had my husband leave for someone else. It has been a couple of months since divorce was final. Never did I think it would happen to me but it did. You are not alone sister. Be brave. Take the challenge. You can’t make them stay. I say I will be better for him leaving. You don’t want a liar in your life. The loss is his not yours. I took my vows seriously too. He did not. The struggle is real. Chin up. Godspeed princess

    3. Ann I am so sorry you are going through this. Stand for your marriage. Fight with prayer and more prayer and unconditional love. Wait on God’s timing for your husband to repent and leave other women. Look at rejoice marriage ministries website. I know your pain and you are not alone.

    4. I am so sorry you’re going this Ann! I will pray for you and your husband and your family. I went through a very similar situation 4 years ago. I thought my marriage was over, my family broken. My husband left for another woman. During this time I found God and he saved me and my marriage. Please continue to pray for your husband and your marriage and pray for that other woman… that she can feel the weight of her sin and repent. I am so happy to hear that you are staying true to your marriage until the end. Remember you are responsible to God, not your husband. You made a vow and God calls you to be a Godly wife… continue to do so and pray. God will give you the strength and peace. No matter the outcome, God will be there and he will bless you for being obedient to his Word. No matter your husband’s actions, remember that you are a child of God, show the world God’s love and forgiveness. I will be praying for you!!

  4. Beautifully written. ❤️ I always feel relief after the love between my husband and I feels rekindled. So many pressures in this life that can wear us down.

  5. Lisa your story really touched my heart. I met my husband 26 years ago. His exgirlfriend was always in and out of his life. He raised her two youngest kids. The youngest was one yers old. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. ( night clubs especially). I was waiting on a bus stop on the way to work and he walked by and started talking to me. We met up that night and I got pregnant. We got married before he was born , because my grandmother was a strict Catholic. His ex tried to split us up a few times nd it didn’t work.All my friend had big fanvy weddings and i just got married Justice to Peace and than just went and ate at McDonalds. My husband told me when I was a teenager he and his friends came to my house to paint our house and me and my friend was flirting with them. I think we were meant to be together ,since I never found the right perosn before him and he was in a bad relationship with someone who couldn;t give him any kids of his own.Everything was great between us until 4 years ago when he lost his job making good money. I went through some negitive feelings towards him, becuse he always said he would always take care of us. I thought about having an affair with someone that I ran into that I had a crush on when I was a teen. I am glad i didn’t because I wouldn;t want him to do that to me,and that would have been wrong for me to do as a Christian. My vows said to good and bad is sickness and in health.Even though we have had some financial issues . Almost lossing our house. Having our furnace go up and our gas and electric almost got turned off. i went and got help and the Lord blessed me with enough help to get a new furnace and AC and my whole electric bill paid off. He has had a few small jobs making pretty good money. When he wasn’t getting work in I was doing alot to help us financially and now that summer is here and I am not working since I work at school with special needs children, and will be for my 12th year. Love is about supporting each other. This Christmas Eve will be 25 years for us and I am proud to say he is my rock. I have been searching for the right gift for us for our 25th Anniversary.

    t

  6. This year marks 35 years I have had my best friend and husband. I was 13 years old when we got together. I turn 48 next week and we will celebrate our 28 year wedding anniversary in September. Each day brings challenges and each day brings happiness and just complete contentment. My advice is to always communicate, never go to bed angry, always vacation together not separate, if you truly enjoy each other you won’t be looking for or open to any one else.

  7. We dated for two months and been married for 52 years! Wouldn’t change a thing! We have been blessed!

  8. This year on September 11th, 2016 it will be our 40th anniversary, if you don’t count the 3 months we were divorced in 2002, which we don’t. I can relate to this article in so many ways. We met when I was 17 and Lyle 18. Married 3 months later. Had our first baby 8 months later and had 2 more by the time I was 22. It was a crazy whirlwind of drinking, depression, anxiety, bi-polar, adultry and just plain immaturity for more than a few years. There was an immature love between us and it kept us together. I became a Christian at age 20 and I began to change, alone. That was tough. But through all the difficult seasons of change I was able to keep strong faith in God, not in myself or my husband. We continually failed each other but there was always love. True love that I questioned always and tested often as did Lyle. God would simply ask me if I believed He could do something with us. Having to answer honestly I always said Yes I believe YOU can so something, but will You! Looking back I can see the powerful way God kept us in spite of ourselves. I wanted to be able to say I never gave up on God, love, faith or Lyle, or myself. In that order. I wanted to give my Children, Grandchildren, and this generation a positive example. I still want that. I still love my husband and He loves me. We still love God and have faith in Him to do what we never could. Stick this out. This year my husband and I began an online Bible College to become pastors. He is a faithful church leader and also is involved in a motorcycle ministry as well as a jail ministry. He works often 6 days a week and is home sometimes Sunday only. It is alot and we believe God has a better plan to get him home nights and week-ends. I am thankful and I am expecting even better things ahead. Thank You for sharing this and for all those who replied. Mostly Thank You to God and all the glory goes to Him.

  9. It’s nice to read this article and all of the posts that show me I am not alone! My husband and I got married 3 years ago, both our 2nd marriages, and the process of “blending” families with 4 teenage girls has been really, really, really hard. We had no idea what we were getting into. I need to pray more about this – that’s all I know at this point. Anyhow, thanks for this blog and the comments!

  10. What a true testimony to marriage. My husband and I have been together 31 years(dated 7 years and married 24) more than half my life. In our first7 years of marriage we lost both his parents, had 2 miscarriages and lost our only born child at 36 hours old. It’s funny we made it through all that with so much love and compassion for each other. It was around our 18th year of marriage that I started resenting him due to our finances and other things going on in our lives. My saying at this time was “I love him but I’m not into love with him like I was when we got married.” I was ready to walk away and then my parents got sick and I lost both of them. It was during this time I realized he was my rock my strong hold in good times and times of trouble. He was the one who understood me and all my emotions(bless him). I know now that I truly love him with ALL my heart and can not imagine how I would live without him. I am so thankful that I didn’t walk away when things weren’t going right.

  11. I love this article. It tells the truth as so many of us have learned.

    But one thing I have also learned is that love does not conquer all, and sometimes no matter how much work you put into it, the relationship it can still fail.

    I was married for 29 years to a man that I loved wholly and unconditionally. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him. It took me a (long) while to realize it, or perhaps just to believe it, but he was emotionally and verbally abusive, in ways I never understood. I sought counselling and ended up filing for divorce, which was final 1 week before what would have been my 30th anniversary.

    Sometimes its not how hard you try, and not how much you love.

    1. I agree with you so much. The effort and love is imeasurable. It takes two strong people ultimately, one can only breathe so much life into another. Some people simply are not capable of a successful partnership.

  12. If you Woek at a a marriage and make it your priority,you can make it work! Weve been married 38 years and we are still in love. Is it different than when
    We were first married, yes. But actually it’s better. Love and enjoy!

  13. This is beautiful and I agree with every word. There is no beauty without ugliness and both exist in love.

    1. “no beauty without ugliness and both exist in love”

      Thanks for this comment!!! Makes so much sense. Very true! And helps my heavy heart tonight.

  14. That was beautifully said. Me and my husband have been having alot of issues lately. And sometimes it feels like we’re drifting apart. But what you said gave me a that little perfect reminder to think on the things that I love about my husband, and I realized that there are so many. So thank you for your very encouraging words

  15. I once read in another personal commentary, the best way to stay married, is not to get divorced. It sounds glib, but I think it’s true, and it’s stuck with me. You Just. Hang. On.

  16. My husband and I were child hood sweethearts since we were 1 2 and 11years old we got married in April of 1980 We put are trust in the Lord. He has seen us through tough times . This year in January he had cancer in left Kidney wwere worried about the out ccome . His surgery went well they were able to get it all they had to remove his left kidney. When we were able to see him he said to us he was still here. He is doing well. God is good.Thank you God for all you do for usWe have been married 36 yearss

  17. This is amazingly well written and put into words everything I feel marriage is. I am speaking from 30 years experience. Thank you so much for sharing.

  18. Just remember you have never been married long enough to have beat the odds! Divorce happens at all ages and at all stages of marriage. You can never relax and take a break from giving 110% to your spouse. You both need that attention to “fill your love bucket.” ❤️

  19. What about affairs? Does true love forgive that? When you are truly in love but you have both lost your way and there is such a disconnect and one falls off completely……can you come back and find that true love that has been lost and now broken? Can someone be so vulnerable and selfish that they hurt the one person they do love? Can this be repaired? Any words, thoughts, inspiration, would help a broken heart during this dark time.

    1. Chris – none of us are perfect so love can’t be either. With that said, sometimes we do lose our way and, sadly, become disconnected from each other. This, in turn, can lead to affairs. However, if two people truly love each other and are willing to work hard, you can eventually build a new and stronger foundation for your marriage. Our experience taught us that we love each other more than we realized and are definitely better together. So we’ve worked very hard these last 20 years and have now been together nearly 30 years total. Our marriage is solid, as is our faith. We’ve had our ups and downs like everyone else but at the end of the day we are together and happy. Our reward is hearing our grown children say they want what we have…..it warms our hearts and makes us proud of each other and what we have achieved. Our second chance was well worth the effort. Hoping the same will be true for you.

      1. Thank you for this. I stopped reading online for awhile because it brought me to an even darker place. I can say we are on a better road now. Your words helped and they felt so good to read this morning.

    2. Chris
      I am possibly the last one to give advice on this. I was married for 29 years. I found out that he had been going into strip clubs and giving out money without me knowing. I forgave and fought for my marriage like I have never fought. I wanted to go to counseling he wouldn’t. Then not even a year later I found out he did it again. The sad thing is at this point he was willing to go to counseling. But it was too little too late on my part. What I am trying to say. Is yes Chris it can be repaired. But both of you have to work at it. No matter what it takes. Marriage is the hardest job you will ever have. No marriage is 50/50. One month it might be 60/40 the main thing is that it equals out to 50/50 in the end. I am happy to report that I did meet someone very special and we are getting married. This is our second marriage for both of us. Who knows what the future holds. But we both know that marriage is hard. Good Luck Chris.

    3. Yes it can. It takes time to truly forgive. It takes work and a lot of time. However, both people have to want the marriage. For me that was several years. For some that work involves counseling and therapy. Others just prayer. Others need a combination.

      However, Once I Truly forgave things have been better than ever.

    4. I have four very dear friends and yes, both marriages were saved ‘repaired’ but only because with both couples they each wanted their marriage to be saved. One can not do it alone. It takes two people willing to forgive and then I do believe the marriage will not just be ‘saved’ but can indeed be better with an even deeper love and a richer relationship.

  20. Every couple getting married should read this. Marriage is one of the hardest relationships to keep. It needs to be worked on and tweaked constantly. It is ever evolving. You will not always feel “in love”. There are days you may not even like each other. It is hard work but it is worth it. I will be sharing this.

  21. lisa, what a beautiful description of a long lasting marriage. we are almost at 47 years. i think of our years together as more like a beautiful well-worn quilt. The dark colors of hard times set off the beautiful brights.

    you have had the blessing of hard times together. they draw you closer…eventually. who can you hang onto in person? and of course you both are hanging tightly to GOD.

    there are plenty of changes over the years. it isn’t all romantic, but the thought that you would do life alone? or remove your kids from their dad’s daily influence? not really worth considering seriously. the adult thing to do is to learn to forgive and find out how to get along…unless he is abusive…which i don’t think is your situation.

    blessings for many more years as you grow together. i love the beautiful heart jewelry that represents your family of four:)

  22. Thank you so much for this I really needed to read this today. Love is a choice. We need to choose it every day! My husband has been away working for 6 weeks. It has been very hard for myself and my 4 kids. Even when he is away I need to choose love. I have been trying to stay close to God during this time. God is good?

    1. I agree wholeheartedly that God is good. Marriage is hard… adding life things… family and children to the mix can be very testing. My husband and I have been married for 35 years and I can honestly tell you.. there were times that it would have been easy to walk but I knew that if I maintained a relationship with God and spent lots of time in prayer that that’s where my help would come from. I learned that it was normal to not always like each other.. we were both human… but I knew in my heart that I loved my husband… I needed him and he needed me.. and I always felt like no one will ever love me or our children as he did. Our faith in God has kept us and has spared us of all the hurt involved. No matter how things look or seem… God is the best solution. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and responses from others. Stay Positive…stay real… stay you❤️

  23. I met my husband,in June of 2003, on a blind date. I was 9 months out of an abuse marriage with a 1 year old son. My ex husband assured me that no one would want to be with me. Needless to say, I was just trying to survive and make a life for my son and I. My son spent more time at the sitter than with me because I had to work 16 hour shifts. On our blind date, I was completely out of my element. My date was not the type of guy that I would date. He was clean cut and a city boy. Anyhow, our date worked out and we got married in 2006. We are quickly approaching our 10th anniversary and I’ve had many feelings about calling it quits. He spends so much time at work and when he gets home its already time for the kids to be in bed. He became very distant in 2007 after our daughter was born with 5 heart defects. She had her first OHS on April 1, 2008. His Mom committed suicide 1 week later. It seems that things just keep getting worse. Our daughter is 8 and had her 3rd OHS on August 18th 2015. We found out in December that her surgery failed. He’s not one to talk about our problems so I’m left to just deal with it. I went into liver failure and had pancreatitis at the end of February. I was in the hospital for 4 days. I think he realized during that time that he missed me. I missed us. We have 2 daughters together and my son. He’s an amazing Dad. I have come to the realization that we didn’t make it this far just for me to give up. We have been through things that would tear people apart 10 times over. I’m sorry for the book comment but this piece really hit home.I don’t own any of your jewelry but I’m hoping that someday I will. God bless you and thank you for the wise words.

  24. My hubs and I are together 15 years and married almost 14 years. Definitely experienced and experiencing all you’ve described. Your words resonated with me. I am grateful to read that I am NOT the only one experiencing these feelings you’ve written about. In addition to what you wrote, I also believe we grow and change. Sometimes we grow together and sometimes apart. If we grow apart, can we find a way to translate my Chinese and his Greek to help get back on the same page? Do you grow at different times and speeds? Can I be patient for him to catch up and vice versa. It is the yin and the yang of it all. Thank you for your beautiful share and for all the wonderful and authentic comments. Made my day!!

  25. We married at15 &18. Coming up on 61 years and I find myself still explaining “we didn’t have to”. We dated 3 years had three daughters by the time I was 21. Took me 4 years and 2 baby’s later to finish my last 2 years of high school. I fulfilled my promise to my parents. Wasn’t easy. Life has been hard at times, but God has blessed us in so many ways. I suffered a stroke 5 years ago. Paralyzed and couldn’t talk. Now 99% recovered. Damaged my heart. Had stints Last August 5 days after my 76th birthday. Every morning first thing out of my sweet hubby’s mouth are what can I do for you. He is absolutely wonderful .

  26. So accurate. True love is the combination of many feelings and emotions which are always changing. We must work at a strong foundation built on respect for one another and a promise. Could you please let me know where to find that precious heart necklace or maybe a bracelet. Not sure, but previous! Thank you!

  27. I feel like It was serendipitous for me to find and read this. I’ve had a thousand thoughts of leaving my husband during our short 8 years together. And after reading this I feel humbled and realize I need to change MY mentality. I need to be a more loyal wife, and I need to offer more grace to myself and especially offer more grace to my husband, who is not perfect. Thanks for sharing such inspiring words. It’s exactly what I needed to read today.

  28. This article was so profound to me, married at 18years and my husband at 22years, no college, just hard work, there were times when we were just surviving our marriage, we stayed faithful to each other, we cried over our disappointments together, we took medicine for depression together, we paid our bills, we prayed, and we stayed together, we have been married 50years this November, we still take care of our disabled son at home, he is 45years old now, we were told he wouldn’t live til puberty, I think today we love each other in a way that cannot even be explained, he is over 70now and when I look at him and he doesn’t know I am I still feel a deep love that is undecribable. Love is an action, not a verb, love takes time , and trials, and tears, and giving , more than receiving on both parts, I have known love, and I am blessed..I always tell myself, if you are truly grateful for the life God
    has given you, then how can you be depressed… it helps me put things in proper perspective.

  29. Like the others your words speak the truth to my heart. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. And those years have been very hard fought for. We have been through my sisters battle with meth, her prison stay and us raising her boys for several years. Career changes… My husband is a fire fighter and I am a trauma icu nurse… And our youngest daughter was born with special needs. She requires constant care so we usually didn’t do may things together. My husband and I didn’t sleep in the same bed for 13 years. Then in 2013 our lives changes forever. My mother bad a double lung transplant (than you God for the blessings of that family) in June our oldest graduated high school. And in August our lives changed forever. Our yiungedt daughter passed away (on our anniversary). This single event rocked us to our core. We were devastated. But my other fear was this man I had been married to for 13 years that I nolonger knew. We had been more “roommates” for all this time what did we do now. Would he still love me, would we get along, what would we do with our time together. And then by God’s grace he led us to each other. Don’t get me wrong we had some rough spots over the past 2 1/2 years since Faith’s passing but the one thing info know is that my husband loves me with all he has and I feel the same way. He has carried me through some really dark days and I him. We are the best team ever. We have found a life together that we would have been unable to have if Faith had still been alive. Don’t get me wrong. I would give ANYTHING to have her back. But we always knew she would bless us for only a short time and oh friends what a blessing it was. So if your in a rough spot try to remember what brought you together in the first place. I am so very thankful for my marriage and this man God has blessed me with! He truly is my HERO!!!

  30. True words!!!!! 28 years married!!! I’d like to knock him upside the head about every other day it seems but he has to deal with me too!!! LOL

  31. I’ve recently begun to think of my marriage as a leg or an arm. Most of the time any injury or pain can be healed with time and care, or you can accommodate the injury and go on. It is possible, however, that the sore could become gangrenous and threaten your life. At that point you go with amputation. You will never be the same, but you can live without that marriage, while you would likely have died had you stayed in it. The hard part is deciding it has come to amputation. I have been married for almost 34 years. My husband has been treated for various mental illnesses for the past ten years. It was always bi-polar disorder, but, as is often the case, it took some time to get the correct diagnosis. It is very lonely in this marriage. I have struggled with depression myself as a result. I really don’t love him anymore, but I do still love God and trust him to release me from my vows at the right time. The story of Abigail, wife of Nabal, in I Samuel, gives me what hope I have for a happy ending.

  32. There is a teaching in Marriage Encounter that goes like this. Marriage goes through a cycle…of romance, disillusionment and joy. Romance feels wonderful and all is bright in the world. Disillusionment sets in and you wonder if you ever really loved the other person…they are so annoying and you feel that perhaps you made a mistake. But once you weather that phase, there is a sense of joy that is different from happiness. Joy brings a sense that you are glad that you have a partner with which to weather the storms of life. And then, just when you think you have it all figured out, you start repeating the cycle…romance, disillusionment and joy. Been through this cycle so many times with my husband of 51 years. Hang in there! Its all worth it.

    1. I love this ! Thank you for sharing-I have been married for 36 years and needed this reminder of the “cycle ” of marriage .

  33. Wow! This is a great commentary on marriage many of us were brought uf with a fantasy image of a Cinderella world where we have all been lead to believe in Happily ever after.. We aren’t quite at 17 but almost 14 and it seems like yesterday and forever.. We often say we are happy to have each other to face life’s many challenges.. May the lord continue to Bless your marriage

  34. Corinthians was read at our wedding 38 years ago by my dad. We have been through some tough times… Illness makes your bond stronger.
    Love is what brought us together and what will keep us strong

  35. I’ ve been single since 1995. I would love to have a significant other to share my life with/marry. However, I realize I have not been the person that would attract the kind of man I hope to have. So, for now I’m working on me & letting God do the husband searching. Thank you all who shared your stories of encouragement! Because of them I hold on to the hope of being married again one day. And, that day turning into forever. 🙂

  36. I just got engaged and I can relate to, “I had the ‘better’ part all planned out. We would work hard, save our money, buy a cute little house, have a couple kids and keep on loving each other and having fun—just like we did while we were dating and engaged.”

    Your experience helps me understand that it’s important to have realistic expectations of marriage and although the love between two people changes, it makes the relationship stronger.

    Thank you so much for sharing!

  37. It’s so interesting that this came up in my email today as we are going to marital counseling tonight. 15 years (2nd marriage) and I do love him and trying to hang in there. Definitely fighting for our marriage and not walking away. Going through a rough patch and trying to find the trust again. Thanks for this post and the other comments as it definitely helps to hear other stories. Thank you…..

  38. What about when that person that you loved dearly betrays you…abandons you, not physically most of the time, but mostly emotionally… When do you say it’s enough and you love yourself more and live with dignity? At what point do you stop waiting for that person to come back? To be part of the team? To be the partner that will hold your back, and not just the one that requires the support at all times :(.
    I do love him but I don’t know if I can keep going on waiting for him to be back. Sad!

    1. You are not alone. I sit here crying reading these because I feel just like you. When do you say enough is enough…17.5 years for me. But I am distraught and he just keeps busy or plays his video games like he has no cares. God knows I tried. I even had a pretty embroidered picture of the above bible verse hanging in our hallway. Oddly enough the kids were playing and knocked it down a few weeks ago breaking the frame…it has sat broken on the table since….just like my marriage. 🙁

      1. I am so sorry for both of you. It is such a hard place.. Have you talked with a marriage counselor? Often the problem is not the spouse that is avoided but all the burdens and responsibilities that cause escapism. So what I am saying is the shutting down or shutting you out might not have any thing with not being happy with you but with Himself and Life its self. It would be good to talk with someone .. together if you can get him to go.. but even by yourself if he won’t.. Praying for you both..

      2. I am also in this position. I have not been convinced that I would be better off out of a marriage of almost 34 years, the last ten very lonely, at least not by ending it myself. I do pray that God might release me from my vows, as widowhood does have much appeal at this point. There was a time when I didn’t much care whether it was me or him who went, as long as it was over. But I have come to hope he goes first. I guess that is progress.

    2. I’m so sorry for what you are going through! Keep praying, and above all else, guard your heart! You are worthy of love!

  39. We’ll be married 53 years in a few months. We’ve been blessed with 4 children, but have gone through money, health, and family problems. Marriage is not always 50/50 but sometimes it’s hanging in there and working together to get through tough times. Love and family is worth every thing you put into it!!!

  40. After nearly 28 years of marriage my husband left. I only found out later that he had a girlfriend ( also married). Its been 3 years and I still struggle with the betrayal. I wasn’t a perfect wife but I was always there for him. My advice is to guard your heart. The man I thought he was, the man he once strived to be would never have cheated. I pray he gets back to God. Love is a choice. Don’t make that commitment unless you are going to choose that person every day. This ain’t no Disney fairy tale. It takes work, but it’s worth it. I pray I can trust again one day.

    1. I have been married for over 29 years and a similar thing happened. I also pray that one day I can trust again. I gave so much to our marriage and family and now treats everything that I value as worthless. It is such a struggle to find peace and forgiveness.

  41. Married again later in life and madly, deeply in love. Husband became disabled but I continued working and all was well. Then husband’s doctor made a mistake and he was awarded a 6 figure settlement. Long story short, he did not pay back into the house what we had borrowed against (my house since 1988) and pay it off. He lied about what he was doing with the money. I lost my job and can’t find gainful employment in our area. Then he had to ‘fess up that there’s no more money. I’m losing my home, my future security, and have no where to move and absolutely zero money. No one will hire a 60 year old woman, no matter my experience! Husband drinks 1.75 liter bottle of scotch every 3 days. I have tried and tried but I’m done and have no feelings for my husband. Well, the feelings I have aren’t good ones, let’s just say that. Of course he’s apologized but that does not get the house back, the taxes paid, and money to live on. I know I made a commitment before God but I can’t handle this anymore. We will soon have our 13th anniversary. Any words of wisdom?

  42. I have been married 29 years I love my wife. We have been together for 32 years, last years I found out she was having an affair. We are back together, I took her back, I feel like I made a mistake but my marriage and family are that important to me. She told me she made the biggest mistake of her life. It was a boy she went with a couple of years in high school. A real winner.

    1. So many hard situations on this blog. Human love doesn’t cure all cheaters. I know many men have grieved their wives’ affairs….but they don’t even consider that every woman they lusted after visually was an affair. MOST men have no idea that it is possible to live a life free of lust and mental adultery. If you, Anthony, admire sexy/ busty women….then you are as much a “real winner” as your wife’s high school sweetheart…..and have to clean up your own act. However, if -like Job- you have made a covenant with your eyes, then your wife better be knowing what a gem she got, and spend the rest of her life making it up to you!

  43. Beautiful !! We will be married 14 years tomorrow and most people would think we have the worse!! I had lung cancer and my spouse has Alzheimer’s but it is still the best and we will go where the journey takes us together ?

  44. Oh, how I wish my marriage survived. 16 years married and 19 years together. I married for love and life. It is true, life does happen…. A child with cancer was born…. I poured myself into getting her well…. My husband poured himself into other women. I forgave the first few times. I thought marriage counseling would save us. It didn’t. The last affair did us in. Sometimes love isn’t enough.

    1. I’ve been there as well. After 23 years of marriage, my husband had an affair with a woman at work. We tried for two years to save the marriage through counselling, prayer, etc. One person cannot save a marriage. I’m just thankful that the verbal abuse I endured is gone. My home is peaceful at last.

    2. Agree with you Peggy. It is not your fault, and pouring yourself into your child didn’t cause his betrayal either. Your ex never learned healthy ways to cope with stress, and was not a faithful man worthy of the love of a committed wife. It was never wrong for you to try and try again, but it was also not wrong for you to respect yourself and let him go.

  45. I married the love of my life 28 yrs ago. We met in May and got married August the same year. Oh the comments we heard. We have had many ups and downs alcoholism,misscarriages and illnesses of parents Through it all we pulled closer. In March of 2014 my best friend and my rock had a massive stroke We don’t have those walks and long talks anymore. But by the grace of God he is still here. I stand strong for both of us. In sickness and in health I vowed 28 years ago. I count my blessings because I still get a hug each morning and he can say I love you. Thank you for sharing your story.

  46. Wow did I need this today. I feel like the only one who is going through serious challenges in my relationship, makes it difficult (impossible really) to talk with anyone about it.

    1. You’re never alone in your struggles, no matter how much it may feel like you are. Have you tried to write since you’re not able to talk to someone? In the beginning of our marriage, I had a hard time talking to my husband about what was wrong and how I felt. We wrote letters to each other and it really helped. It also gave us the time we needed to cool off or get our bearings. Now, 11 years later, we are going strong and can easily talk about what is making us upset or whatever. 11 years in and we’ve never had any fights or arguments. We are a solid unit that understands that we put the family first, our individual selves after. If we disagree, we share our thoughts on the matter and decide what is best for the family. Sometimes his is best and other times, my thought is best. It’s never been something that has had to be only his way or my way and that is really important. Both people need to be able to share in the decision process, each feeling that their contribution is equally important to the other. This shows trust, respect, and value between the two. Also, we need to think of things from their perspective and vice versa. Often times, this step is missing and it could have easily been the solution.

  47. The day we got married was a lovely and wonderful day. My husband had courted me during our friendship and we had both already came out of prior bad marriages. We didn’t go into this with a fairy tale idea of marriage, we could handle this! What we didn’t know then was that less then a week later he would have a spinal surgery go horribly wrong that left him with a total of 4 spinal breaks and temporary paralysis, and requiring full time daily living care. We didn’t know then that less then a year after that, before our one year wedding anniversary that he would contract double step pneumonia with sepsis and end up on life support, in a coma, and flatlining before being reccesitated only to stay in a coma and not be expected to live through our first anniversary. On that beautiful day we exchanged our vows we didn’t know he would survive all of the years coming 5 spinal surgeries and the subsequent illness and coma and come out of it with a severe brain injury and a terminal illness. We didn’t know that blessed day in 2011 that he would end up having to retire from the army and require 24 hour care for the rest of his life. We thought, love would get us through the next 30 years (which were gonna be the “for better” years) and then through the following 20 years (which we figured would be the comaparitvely “for worse” years of old age and old age ailments). But “love” as humans view it, did not. Christ and the Holy Spirit has gotten us through it. Every moment from the moment we said our vows to the moments of great debilitating fear for his very life to the moments of great joy when he learned how to walk and talk again to the moments of quiet reflection and breath, the Lord has gotten us through. Don’t get me wrong, we still love each other in our hearts. But love in our marriage is not just a feeling or a descriptive word for what we emotionally feel. It’s an action verb and a choice.

  48. Marriage is a total commitment. If you let divorce be an option, trust me it will happen. Committed and been with my devoted supportive husband for 30 years next month. We have never “not loved” each other. There have been many bumps in the road, but never gave up on each other. I am his rock , his world, & he is the same for me. Til death do we part……cheers to 30 more. Never let anyone tear you apart!
    God Bless you

  49. I find that in the rough patches there are moments where you decide to turn towards each other, that we always opt for repair rather than walk away. I’ve grown to trust that that is our love, that when those hard moments come we truly want to find a way to stay together. Have weathered many storms and always find the sun after. So grateful for that.

  50. Beautiful words, so very true! My husband and I have been married 33 years, have 6 kids, 3 of whom are married, 2 grandbabies, 2 graduating from college this spring (opposite ends of the country!), and our baby is 16 and a junior in High school. We have struggled at times and some years I wondered how we would make it…but when we put Jesus first, it all gets so much better! We have learned (slowly!) to put God first and each other second, and then the kids…when we mess up the order, we feel it. Blessings to you….love DOES last!

  51. Thank you for the words you and others have written. We have been together for 49 years. Each year has brought hugs, highs, and lows. We depend on the Lord for each day. Thank you all

  52. Thank you. I needed this reminder today. After 17.5 years of marriage, I sometimes think our relationship feels a bit boring. I have so many friends who are dating and getting remarried again after divorce. Seeing all their FB posts about new love and the excitement of starting a new relationship has often caused me to feel a bit jealous. I find myself wondering what that would be like, when my relationship seems so mundane and stale in comparison. It’s a good reminder that a marriage is much more than feelings and that all things can be made new. I appreciate your words very much.

  53. My husband and I have been married for less than 1 year and it quite honestly has been a most challenging year. Just last night I felt led to tell him how I think we need to make the time to spend time together even if it’s just 1 night a week. We both are really good at coming up with ideas but horrible at executing putting each other before our jobs and exhaustion. How do I balance being young and in new careers wirh also being a young wife?

    Sincerely,

    Cacee

    1. Cacee, it’s so hard. Distance creeps in and we have to keep fighting to connect. I love your idea of having on night set aside. Little things–like coffee in the morning, texts during the day and walking in around the block in the evening help so much. Hugs to you.

  54. Love is a journey. Celebrating 40 years in April! Three beautiful children, one miscarriage, five grands and more financial troubles than I care to remember. We’ve climbed to the top of many obstacles with an amazing vista awaiting at the top and slid down sometimes into valleys where there was also beauty in the lesson learned, though hard to see in the moment. For the last 30 plus years we have worked together, side by side in a business that we built together and our love and the grace of God is our stronghold. He once told me that I was life to the blood that flowed through his veins and I know that he is the beat of my heart. We are best friends with fringe benefits, holding hands through life…..and I’m never letting go! Thanks for your post to remind me.

  55. Such a beautiful insight. I’ve been married 14 years and am surprised with how hard life hits us sometimes. If you can be there for each other in the toughest times, that is sometimes the hardest stuff. That, I believe, is the truest love of all.

  56. We’re coming up on 17 years in May, and we’ve been through many more ups and downs than I ever thought of back when I was 23, and he was 28. But one thing I keep holding on to: if marriage is a triangle, where God is the pinnacle, and the husband and wife are at the base, if we each keep moving toward Him, we naturally will move toward each other. I love my sweetheart today more than I ever thought possible as a young bride.
    Thank you for nailing it on the head with this post, Lisa! ♥

  57. Dear Lisa. I have a Cornelia. De Lange son. Kevin. He will be 47. In June. He is the love of my life. If you ever want to get in touch with me , I would love to hear from you.Kevin has fought us all what love is all about.bless you and your family. Love. Bobbie Keene

  58. Very well written! I was 17 & my husband was 18. Yes, very young but we were madly in love! Our firstborn arrived when I was 19. This year as we celebrate our 39 year anniversary, we still remain best of friends! Yes, we have argued and yes we have wanted to choke each other at times, but have kept our promise to each other to remain together through good or bad. Divorce was not an option! Communication and respect for each other is key to a successful marriage. 3 grown children and 7 grandchildren later, we know this is because we fell in love! Our love grows deeper as the years go by. There is no greater blessing in life than having found your soulmate! I think today too many young couples give up before they have actually given 100% of themselves to each other. Again, your article is on target!

  59. 44 years married, think on these things that make it last:
    ■”love keeps no record of wrongs”
    ■ when he holds tight, you hold tighter
    ■ ‘I’m sorry, you’re right” is not the same as, “I’m sorry, I was wrong”
    ■ go camping under the stars, even at 68 years old
    ■ listen to Van Morrison while driving through the national parks in a rented convertible
    ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

  60. You hit the nail on the head with this one. You described marriage to the “T”. I have been married for 32 years. I was 17 when I got married. Young yes very. However, the difference is that when I married I married for life. There was no turning back. Yes over the years I have fought for my marriage, cried, but the most important was to pray and give it to God. I also learned very valuable life lessons that I would not have learned if I had just given up. No being perfect is just right.

  61. I seriously love you you are the best. Me and ken def had hard time and often i am glad I do not own a gun for …yeah but when things get bad i ask god to be my defender and love comes pouring in. lisa you are the best!

  62. I had to comment on such an honest, well-written “essay”…..as someone now married for 39 years to the same man. We are all constantly growing, and our growth may sometimes be in the same, sometimes in different, and sometimes in opposite directions. Thus, our relationship is never stagnant, always growing; must remain patient; have hope; and most importantly, persevere!! Results in a family blessed with love, joy, and peace!

  63. Beautifully said . Next month my husband and I will be celebrating 30 years. As I typed that my heart skipped a beat. We have been together through the good and the bad. He is my best friend and couldn’t imagine these last 30 years without him. I thank God so much that he placed him in my life. Thank you for posting and reminding us all how lucky we are.

  64. This as well as all the comments have blessed my day. I too am married to the love of my life. A second marriage for us both however we both came together as a result of loving the Lord. Having a Christian mate has blessed both our lives as we strive to live for Him and and wonder every day out of all the others in the world you chose me. Peace and Blessings to you all.

  65. Very nice read. You are spot on I believe. My husband and I married at 20 and 21. We have three grown children and have been together 45 years, 41 married. The “worse” times in marriage are never what we expect. It’s all in how we deal with them. Forgiveness and communication are key. Thanks for a great read on the reality of togetherness in marriage.

  66. This is amazing! Such truth and wisdom. We have been married 45 years this June, and I read this aloud to my husband and he got teary eyed. He agreed that it is full of truth. We mentor engaged couples and we tell them exactly what you so eloquently wrote. In fact, we will share this with our couples, who are at that early stage of love that actually has no idea what love really is. Thank you. Thank you.

  67. My favorite bible verse…have it on my wall in one of the bathrooms! My husband passed away 4months ago and it reminds me of us every day.

  68. Well said Lisa, Thank you for sharing! It is nice to hear that not everyone is perfect and we all struggle with imperfections. It’s what you put in and receive from your loved ones that makes it All worth it! 26 years and lots of ups and downs, mostly ups 🙂 <3.
    “Love is a joint experience between two persons — but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved.”
    – Carson McCullers – Ballad of the Sad Cafe and Other Stories

  69. This year we will celebrate our 48th anniversary.
    And all you said is so true. Love changes from the wedding day and as the years go by. But the thing you said that really is important is love is not a feeling, it’s forgiveness, commitment , and trusting and holding on to God through some of the roughest times of testing. Not quitting because the shiny feelings don’t seem to be the same .
    Life, especially married life, has its ups and downs, but you hold on, you remember 1Corinthians 13: 4-7. You may have to memorize it! I had to read it everyday for a couple of months at one point . But then your marriage comes out stronger. Your love deeper than ever . And as the years are passing so quickly we still face issues, now health related and sometimes care of grandkids, but the bond of love is strong and not based on feelings only ?? your post was wonderful. Happy February. (Love month)
    Barbara

  70. My marriage did not survive…despite being together over 25 years. What DID survive was the love between us. I have never felt I broke my vows of marriage: I will love and respect the man who was my husband and the father to my children until the day I die, as he will me. That’s what I promised before God. Marriage is a word. And sometimes a box. Love is fluid.

    1. My story exactly. My
      Marriage fell after 25 years but I will always love the father of my 4 kids and I think he will always love me too. We just can’t be married

  71. This is one of the most accurate articles I think I’ve ever read on long-term love. My husband and I have been married 49 years, marrying when he was 20 and I was just 18. Sometimes it seems like there have been more moments of not loving him than there have been moments of loving him, but every time I think I’m ready to throw in the towel, he does something that reminds me of why I loved him in the first place and why my life would be incomplete without him. Marriage is a roller coaster of emotions. As I write this, he is sitting at his computer in his boxers and t-shirt and i wonder what happened to the man who was so fastidious in his grooming when we first married. Then I realize I am sitting here in my stained shirt and fuzzy bedroom shoes, and I know that today, because I am sick with a cold, he will take the time to find something for me to make me feel better even if it’s not something I would do for myself or even really want. He doesn’t buy me expensive things or take me to fancy places, but it’s the little expressions of caring that make me realize the man I fell in love with is still in there and worth holding on to.

  72. Oh how I needed to see this today! My husband & I have been stuggling so much since the birth of our 2nd child with special needs (he has CdLS & hypertrophic cardiomyopathy) in the last 2 years.
    We’ve been through a lot since 1987 but the path we’re on now seems the hardest yet; It’s good to be reminded that true love is about forgiveness, not feelings.
    Thank you!

  73. Today I took off my wedding ring after 18 years of marriage and two babies from Invitro. You gave me hope and I thank you?

  74. Lovely post today Lisa. We all hear you and agree. We have been married 48 years and married as 21 year old college seniors. Like so many comments here, we have had our peaks and valleys over the years. I once read that the key to a long marriage is to have one of you be in love so that he or she can hold the other one up in tough times.
    Think this may be what many of us have done over the years. Congratulations on your wedding anniversary.

    1. Yes you got to take the worst with the bad . I have been married for almost 36 years in June . My husband was injured at work 20 years ago & he is in a wheelchair . I was diagnosed with a kidney disease when I was in my 40’s & have had two transplants & now I’m on Diaylsis & hoping for another transplant soon . So you just got to believe in God & your love for each other . Thanks for your story Lisa & I love your jewelry . ??

  75. Only the Agape LOVE of GOD is perfect. The rest of us can learn from GOD & folks like you & your husband. You’re a living testimony to the fact that marriage is Alive & well in the 21st century. Your words resonate HOPE in deep in my heart! Thank you, LISA!!!

  76. Yes to all of this. We celebrated in August the momentous occasion of being told maybe we could stop going to marital counseling every week and drop it to twice a month! That felt very good when just a year before I was 99% ready to call it quits after eleven years of marriage and two little girls. It’s amazing what happens when you choose to hold fast rather than let go; when you choose to fight rather than walk away. Sometimes it sure is a harder choice than you’d ever have imagined on the wedding day. Thank you for this post today; it’s very heartening to read all of these lovely comments from such strong people. xoxo

  77. Yes, so well said! My husband and I have been married 17 years and “us” has always been the easy part of our lives. Until all of a sudden it wasn’t so easy, and we found ourselves letting the world interfere with our love. It was a subtle shift, but left me in pain at realizing we had become ignorant of nurturing each other first. Ebb and flow… We heal, we grow, we know we’re better together, always. Thank you.

  78. Wow! My wife and I also married over 16 years could have written this column. We have emerged from the darkness into the light of renewed Love. She has the starburst ring on her finger to remember that time, and transformation.

  79. so well said, lisa. i’ve had many of the same (and scary) thoughts through the years. God really is the glue, not to be trite. Feelings ebb and flow but the comfort now of 28 years is rich and true (but we still fight! Ha!) PTL amen and amen. love you both. sue (My folks argued too – which was funny since they were quite deaf at the end – 74 years of marriage)

  80. I love this post. My husband and I got married very VERY young. I was 20 he was about to turn 19. We had a baby on the way. Our families told us that we wouldn’t make it in our marriage. It was a true test because he joined the Army and 3 days after we got married he took off to basic. 19 years and four daughters later, we are still together. our oldest is 18 already at the university studying physics. our second daughter a junior in high school already taking college courses while in high school, going to study architecture…and our two little ones well one about to be 15 and the other about to be 13. We still have arguments, I know what you mean when you say that sometimes your wonder if your love was still there? I have always told my husband and my girls, my husband is my partner in crime, I have his back he has mine. I love him like crazy even if he does drive me crazy LOL

  81. On this, the 36th anniversary of our marriage I so appreciate your post. I think its good that we go into marriage expecting the best, as you did. If we truly knew what was ahead we may all turn coat and run! I’m so thankful every day that at the tender young age of 18 I took the leap with my 22 year old sweetheart…no college degree between and truly no plan but God has been faithful in good times and bad. Looking forward to the next 36 with the man of my dreams….as he says I am the woman of his dreams ~

    1. I read this story b/c I feel God placed it in my path today b/c of where my husband and I are in our marriage.
      My husband and I were married at 18, we already had our 8 month old son, but did not marry b/c we had a child..we both came from *broken* homes and didn’t want to marry b/c we had a child together, but somehow from the day we met at 15yrs old we just knew it was forever. 37yrs later (35 married) and two more children, three grandchildren we are still together. We have been through almost everything a marrage can be through and stayed together but I’m not so sure my husband wants to be with me anymore, I try to talk w/him about his distance from me, he just agrees..over and over but offers no solution or wants to try my solutions (counseling ect). I don’t know what to do. Please keep us in your prayers, it will only be by God’s grace that we are together much longer. Although we were kids raising kids..we always worked through everything. We are both 52 now and I have never felt more lost than now.

      1. Praying for you and your husband and that this season in your marriage will be a short one, and the new will bud with revived love and appreciation-God bless you on this difficult journey.

      2. Jude, I’ve prayed for you. You’ve touched my heart. Maybe because we’ve been married about the same amount of years. What helps me most is digging deep into Scripture for words of wisdom.

      3. I understand how you feel. I feel the same. My husband and I were high school sweethearts. We dated others briefly in college but got back together and married. We were married 30 years this past April. We had two beautiful children. One past away when he was young. He was born with heart issues. Over a year ago we started having problems. Not sure what brought it on. We had some issues over the years but we seemed to work out things. Now he says he doesn’t love me like he used to and is not attracted to me. We tried some counseling but he won’t go now on a regular basis. A lot of the of the issues he has with our marriage I’m being blamed for. I’ve made changes in myself, I continue to go for counseling myself, I still love him and are attracted to him. I’m trying to work on the marriage but he doesn’t seem to be trying. I get glimmers of hope but then he’ll say things haven’t changed between us. He has said divorce is not off the table and we may be headed for a split. I feel so liost and hurt that he won’t try to fix this marriage. Maybe he’s made small attempts but nothing big. I don’t know what to do. Do I keep fighting for this marriage or let it go. I feel he has other things bothering him besides our marriage that he hasn’t dealt with. I wish he would see someone on his own before giving up on us.

  82. I’m 22 years into my marriage. We’ve been going through a rough patch lately, so I’m thankful for your encouraging words. Thank you for sharing your heart. 🙂

  83. Thank you for sharing this. It so well reflects our downside of a long marriage…43 years married and 6 years dating…high school sweethearts…After 43 years and successfully raising and educating 2 daughters, you think you’ve seen the hardest and worst of times…..home together every day now……both retired……not 100% healthy…….everything changes…..but my faith keeps me strong. I am so glad I “met ” you, Lisa when I ordered the custom bracelet for my daughter whose fiancé died recently………keep your faith ……

  84. We’re a few years ahead of you, married almost 24 years, and four of our five (23-14) have significant, long-term illnesses. We were nearly at the breaking point in our marriage a year ago, but my husband took a huge leap of faith and left his job. He took a year sabbatical to come home and “be” with us. It’s been a crazy, hard, overwhelming, powerful, amazing year. Love is beginning to heal the broken relationships. We are now all in this together, and that is profound. Love. So different than I’d ever imagined. Your words captured marriage so well! You spoke what we’ve experienced too.

    1. I see that a lot. Couples splitting up, especially after a death if a child. (I realize that wasn’t your problem.) I’ve always found if you gave communication in your marriage, the better it is? Anyhow that’s how it’s been for me. We lost a son 25 yo, on August 28th of 2015. I think that was the hardest thing to get through. We gave a mixed (he had a son and I had a son 4 years young) family. I found it very trying. His son wanted his Dad all to himself. He was raised not in the best of circumstances. I taught my son not to fight. His son fought all the time. As they grew older it was much better, they were just like any two brothers. We talked a lot of things through. His son, we put into counseling (after I found out his Father took him off Ritalin for his ADD.), he had a bad time with authority figures in his life, especially women. He eventually grew out of that.
      Anyhow I found if you communicate with your spouse, then there are no surprises, that will pop up…if you are communicating honestly. Kudos to the ones who made it long term. To the ones who didn’t, please don’t be afraid to try again. ??✌

    2. So glad he stayed home….really entering into the family life!!! We had 7 children and 52 years of married life before my husband went to be with the Lord after cancer. Sounds like if we follow the Bible teaching, we will make it!! Since being a widow for 14 years, my family is precious….. 18 grandchildren and 15 greats. And the Lords very close and precious every day!!

  85. Thank you Lisa. My hubby and I will be married 27 years this month. Through the love struck eyes, infant sleepy eyes, dog tired eyes, hurt eyes, peaceful eyes and contented eyes, marriage is such a journey of firsts but hopefully not lasts with God’s grace. We have learned to meet each other halfway when we can or completely across if one of us can’t. Unconditional, trust, grace… Love 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

  86. Oh my gosh!! This is the most poignant blog I’ve ever read. It’s beautiful and truthful and and hits the spot. My husband and I have been together for 29 years and actually married for 23 years. High school sweethearts per say. We have been together over half our life spans. We choose it and it’s not all fun and games but without each other we can’t be ourselves. Thank you for putting into words something I can let my kids (2 kids- 18g and 16b yrs) read. I’ve loved your jewelry and then I saw your pugs and your boys and now this!!! Thank you.. ❤️

  87. This is great! Sometimes you can feel like you are the only one that goes through these things. We will be married 16 years in May. After the birth of two children, a miscarriage, my dad being in a coma 2 years then passing away, job loss, … Well you know. There are times you think, this isn’t how I thought it was gonna be or look like. But, through these things you can grow together rather than apart and it’s even better than you thought just different. Thank you for sharing!

    1. We’ll be married 16 years in May also. And it’s ONLY by the grace of God that we’re still together. Marriage is tough sometimes and it seems easier just to give up. We’re still hanging on (some days by the last thread) to show our children that this is real life and real love. It’s a choice.. not a feeling. Feelings come and go and change. Thankful to God for giving us the strength to keep going..

    2. Sarah, You are so correct in what you said. Marriage is just like a job and you have to work at it. It’s not like pictures try to paint it as or like stories try to pertray it as in books. It can be fun. It’s what you both want to give.

        1. So true! My marriage was not mutual. I tried for 20 years to make it work, but extenuating circumstances were out of my control, and I finally realized it. I still believe in love and marriage, and that God has a plan for me.

  88. My husband and I got married very young and every odd was against us. Your words describe the journey perfectly. We are now 27 years in and I am happy to report that we are definitely stronger than ever. We have learned to really and truly appreciate the little things we do for each other and we verbalized that. Love can last..even if you sometimes question your sanity!

    1. Thank you Rebecca for your comment. I’m in my late 40’s and considering marriage for the first time. I’m glad to read what you wrote.

      1. Trudy, my husband and I married for the first time at 48 and 42, respectively. We are about to celebrate our first anniversary in two weeks and it has been the hardest and happiest year of my life. Our life together is founded on faith, but marrying at a non-traditional age has challenges we had to overcome. And they made us even stronger with a love that transforms each day. I would wait all over again for what I have in him. I wish you the same and more.

    2. 32 years of marriage, it’s been hard and we’ve had many struggles, but still together and loving each other.

    3. Rebecca, a marriage is what you make it. I have been married to the same man for 52 years and I would not change a thing. It hasn’t always been a bed of roses but we survived it and with six children. Put God first and you can withstand anything

      1. My husband and I were married when we were 23 yrs.old and we will be celebrating our 41st anniversary this July. And things weren’t always going good but we decided to make it work .and we really have been together much longer. Because our first date was my husband so 16th birthday and we have been together ever since . So we have 43 yrs. Together.

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