Change is so hard

You know that icky, scared feeling when you try something new? What seemed like a great idea a couple days ago now feels like a completely awful idea. I’ve been having that feeling fairly regularly over the last few years Steve and I walked through a marriage crisis a couple years ago and it was one of the darkest, scariest times of my life. I was desperately unhappy and I knew I needed to make big changes–for me, for my life. We both needed to change and grow. And thankfully, we’ve both been working hard to do just that.

One of the biggest changes I have been making is, instead of trying to please other people and make them happy, I am simply trying to be ME. Simple, but not easy. Being me means saying what I really think, asking for what I need without apology and feeling my feelings {instead of trying to take care of everyone else’s feelings and ignoring my own}.

Steve and I at the Castle Ruins

The other day we were in the beautiful town of Helmsley, England, shopping and eating and relaxing. We walked up the hill to see the Castle ruins–which were breathtaking. We got a glimpse of the ruins outside the wall and it seemed like we were all winding down–ready to get in the cars and drive back to our Airbnb–but I really wanted to go inside and get a closer look at the ruins. I didn’t want to make a fuss or inconvenience our whole group and I almost didn’t say anything. But I reminded myself I’m trying to show up, say what I think and want without apology. It may seem like a small thing, but for someone who has lived a lot of life trying to please other people, it’s scary and stretching. I spoke up and it was no big deal. Everyone was on board for getting a closer look at the ruins. Steve someone how got tickets for just a few pounds and we ventured inside. It was beautiful, MAGICAL, so fun. I’m so glad I said what I wanted.

Helmsley Castle Ruins

Speaking up and asking for what I want is a change that has been HARD but so necessary. I gave a small example but there have been much bigger, scarier moments where I have said really hard, honest things and you know what, it’s been better. Better for me, better for Steve, better for my marriage, better for my soul. It’s so important. Best of all, it’s working. I am changing. I am more ME. I am happier and more relaxed. I wrote a poem about change and I wonder if you’ll relate to it?

All four of us at Helmsley Castle Ruins



A stiff shoe

To be broken in




Aware of each step

Left, Right, Left



Maybe this was a bad idea

The old way

Before the change

Wasn’t so bad

My old shoes were fine

They were comfortable

But worn out

Too small

The soles were worn smooth

And slippery

No tread or traction

To keep me stable

To move me forward


I can see ahead

These new shoes will take me there

I wear them a bit each day

I practice a new way

With each awkward step

I am changing

Slowly the shoes soften

My blisters heal

My feet adjust

The shoes become part of me

What was new

Begins to feel normal

To feel right

Right, Left, Right

Little by little

The old shoes are behind me

The old way is behind me

My new shoes fit well

My new way is working

Moving forward

Braver with each step

Stretched and Grown


Stepping away from what is safe and known is scary but necessary. Making change is brave. Be ME without apology is how I love myself and others–it’s how I encourage my family to be who they are without apology. Being honest, being real is loving and brave. It’s brave love. There is so more of my journey of brave love in my new book {so crazy, exciting}. More details on the book here.

Are you making any changes that scare you right now?


  1. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this. As a fellow mamma of a teenager with diverse needs it is so hard to not feel the guilt of seeking happiness for yourself. We are in the midst of a rough time right now where my son’s challenges are all encompassing and I have to keep reminding myself to not worry what others think while I tend to him in the way he needs to feel safe and loved and I use any remaining minutes to tend to my own needs so I don’t break. Thank you for making me feel less alone today.

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  3. I’m a creature of habit. I like routines/continuity/order in my life. MOST of the time, I’m not comfortable with change. Sometimes it takes me a LONG time to process and accept the change. But every now and then, when a change happens, I’m like, “YES!”….”It’s about time!”…”I am SO READY for this change!” I’m not sure why this happens or why some changes are harder/easier than others, it’s just the way it is with me. But I guess change makes the world go ’round so I say the ‘Serenity Prayer’ every night. That helps me a lot. <3

  4. Speaking up for yourself doesn’t mean everything has to go your way all the time. It just means you are expressing what you want. I am flexing that muscle myself. Trying new things is scary too. I’m currently applying for a new job. Sometimes I want to throw up with the fear of change. But, change makes us stronger.

  5. Lisa, your post and poem brought me to tears. I needed to read this today. I’m going through some major changes right now and your words expressed what I’m feeling so perfectly. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family. ❤️

  6. I know this journey and at first, it is difficult. But as you become comfortable speaking up, those around you also begin atop adjust and appreciate to who you are. After several years of this process, my new stuff shoe is basically a flip flop. Good for you!

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