I am enough

I’ve beat myself up over and over with harsh words.

I told myself I wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t thin enough, wasn’t creative enough, wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t patient enough, wasn’t good enough.
Beating myself up with these harsh words was like setting my feet in cement and yelling at myself for not growing and changing and moving forward.

I’ve sat in business meetings and felt like a fraud.
I’ve tried on a pair of jeans and left the store feeling awful about myself.
I’ve dropped out of a pottery class frustrated I couldn’t master the techniques.
I’ve worn a big bulky sweater to hide from the world because I felt ugly.
I’ve screamed at my kids at the top of my lungs and then felt like a horrible mother.
I’ve told myself over and over I’m a failure. I’m not enough.

You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging. Brene Brown

I wasn’t good enough for what? Well, when I dug down deep and I was really, really honest with myself, I believed, I wasn’t good enough to loved. I believed I should be better to make myself more lovable.

I’ve been mixed up. I’m finding out…
There is no smart that’s smart enough to be loved.
There is no thin that’s thin enough to be loved.
There is no creative that’s creative enough to be loved.
There is no pretty that’s pretty enough to be loved.
There is no patient that’s patient enough to be loved.
There is no good that’s good enough to be loved.

These things don’t bring love. They may bring admiration–and admiration is a nice thing. It feels good. But I what I truly want, what my soul craves, is real and lasting love.

I’ve believed I won’t be lovable unless I live a certain way, look a certain way, perform a certain way. I haven’t completely overcome this deeply rooted lie, but I’m working to change my thinking. I’m working to believe what’s true, instead of believing a lie. It’s a simple truth but also complicated–because it means looking at myself from a completely different perspective.

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The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection.
Henri Nouwen

The truth is, I am not only lovable, I am loved. Right now, I am loved, just as I am. I don’t have to change one thing.
I am smart enough to be loved.
I am thin enough to be loved.
I am pretty enough to be loved.
I am patient enough to be loved.
I am good enough to be loved.

Starting from a place of enough is like a pair of the best running shoes and a long, straight dirt road with wildflowers popping up on either side. It makes my daily to-do list shorter and frees up brain space. It’s like I’ve been holding my breath and I can finally exhale.

I’ve spent so much time trying to prove I’m lovable, because underneath, I believed I wasn’t.
I’ve worried about what my husband thought of me, what people at church thought of me, what other moms at school drop off thought of me, what strangers at the grocery store thought of me. Believing I wasn’t lovable got me nowhere. It was exhausting–so much energy, so much work, so much wasted time. How can I ever truly know what someone else thinks of me? In a business meeting, one person might think I’m smart and insightful, another person in the same meeting might think I’m completely missing the point and wasting time. Worrying about what other people think of me never, ever worked for me.

What other people think of me is none of my business. Wayne Dyer

It doesn’t matter what someone else thinks of me.
It only matters what’s true.
And the truth is I am loved, right now.
How do I know it’s true?
The God of the Universe says, “I love you.”

Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about. Philippians 4:8

From the starting place, ‘I am enough right now’ I begin to make change, I begin to grow.
I don’t make change to be loved, I make change to live out of my truest self.
I don’t grow to be loved, I grow to love others better.
I’m starting from a place that’s filled with hope and light.

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I am enough.
You are enough.

14 comments

  1. every once in a while I pop over to your Blog to get a wonderful dose, of you, beautiful you, Lisa… and I am ever grateful to know you and hear your voice in your written words…thanks for making me more glad to be me… and in return I celebrate you… xoxox thanks thanks thanks

  2. I have really been so touched by your blog posts. One thing I struggle with in my perfectionism is feeling as though I somehow deserve the negatIve things that happen in my life by not being “good” enough. That I have not been the best I should/could be in many areas of my life. That I am somehow needing a lesson/punishment. It is very hard and I really struggle with these thoughts. Does this line of thinking resonate with any one else reading?

  3. Thank you, Lisa, for sharing this. I am struggling with these thoughts too. It is hard to feel loveable when we don’t live ourselves.

  4. Lisa, you don’t know how much I needed this post at this moment in my life! I feel like all women and mothers have these thoughts and it helps to know we aren’t alone in our doubts. I want you to know that you are so much more than enough-you inspire people that you don’t even know.

  5. Beautiful truth penned by a beautiful, loving, creative, amazing woman. The words speak to my soul. They resonate through my soul. I am enough. So are you.

  6. As I sit here trying to read this I can hardly see the words through my tears. I have never felt like I am enough of anything and I am always striving to be better so maybe I will be loved more, but I always miss the mark. Reading this confirms for me that I am looking in the wrong places to find my worth. Please know that you have made a difference by sharing this post. Thank you

  7. Lisa,
    Thank you for sharing this. I am struggling with the same thing!
    It’s nice to know you are not alone. Thank you!!

  8. Lisa, we fell in love with your jewelry a good while ago. Your messages of inspiration, hope , and faith resonate deeper meaning today. We ordered 2 of your rings symbolize all that is positive and good for our marriage vows we took today. Yet, to receive the rings, but when we do, it will make our unity complete. Can hardly wait until they arrive and can be worn to symbolize our hearts of love, promise, and hope for a world of peace and unity. Thank you. With much adoration. Maggie and Janice

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