Yesterday I took David to the Gastroenterologist {GI for reflux, etc} for a regular check up. As we started to discuss the daily pain David endures with reflux, I could see concern on the doctor’s face.

On an average day, David has between 30 minutes-one hour of pain. And it’s acute pain. On the pediatric pain scale, it’s a ten–he arches, screams and he’s inconsolable. It’s heartbreaking and he’s a troooper. Soon after a painful episode he’s happy and smiling and playful again.

Our GI doctor was concerned with the pain level and frequency. He wants to run some tests {endoscopy and Ph probe} in the next couple weeks to evaluate David’s current state of health and the severity of the reflux. For the endoscopy, David will be under general anesthesia–which terrifies me! But then the doctor and I started to discuss what the tests my reveal and how we would deal with potential issues. More surgeries, a g-tube and other possibilities were discussed. And that’s where I start to freak out. I let my mind wander to the ‘what if’s’. I’m aware how NOT in control I am. I don’t know the future. I have unanswered questions. I want David to be happy and pain-free. I want David to be healthy. And a lot of the time he is healthy–but in situations like this, I’m reminded that David’s body is quirky and things don’t work quite right. Some of them are small things, some are big things.

And I feel my heart breaking. It’s hard to see your baby hurt. It’s scary to face the unknown.

So today, I’m reminding myself about the things I know are true.

1. There is hope.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18  So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2. God cares.

Psalm 147:3 God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

3. Today, this moment is beautiful.

Matthew 6:34 Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Are you struggling with a broken heart? Share it with me! I am so grateful for the ways you come alongside me and love my little family. I want to journey with you too!

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