Things have been a little crazy around here for the last couple months. It’s mainly focused around David’s burst of new activity and trying new things. It’s incredibly exciting so see him climbing stairs, standing on tables {yikes} and clearing out the cupboards. Every day it seems like he’s trying something new–and it makes my heart so happy to see him grow and learn and succeed.

But there’s another part of me that struggles with change. I have to watch him more–a lot more. The more independent he gets, the less independence I have. And while that’s a phase with toddlers and preschoolers, it will be likely be life-long for our family. The other day while I was driving to meet my sister I was trying to sort through all my emotions. Why am I not overjoyed with David’s progress? What is going on with me?

And then the word hit me like a ton of bricks. Fear. Fear that my life will stop and will completely revolve around his needs. Fear that as David gains independence I won’t be able to keep him safe. What if he climbs up something and falls down and really gets hurt? What if he opens a door when I’m not looking and gets out of the house? What if we’re no longer able to eat out or have friends over because David takes too much of our time and attention?

Recognizing my own fear helps to stop me from falling into a spiral. Today may be difficult in ways, but today is manageable. Today is beautiful. Today we are busy with David’s needs but I get time to sneak away and be with friends. We have people over for dinner often. I have time to create and dream and get inspired.

Last week I met Chrissie in Carpinteria for a sister day and it was like food for my soul. It was so good.

Time with her wipes away fear and helps me to regain perspective. Maybe since we are identical twins, I’m actually more myself when we are together? A day away last week was just what I needed to refresh, recharge and get inspired.  And truthfully, coming home I am ready to give all I am to my boys. I’m ready to celebrate David’s success. I’m less fearful and more whole.

We are all facing challenges in our life–small or big. How are you coping with fear and finding peace these days?