I’ve written over 2,000 posts on my blog. But I’m not writer.
I’ve been writing for (in)courage for years alongside amazing women—many of who have published books. But I always felt a little out of place because I’m not a writer.
I love to read, I cherish deep conversations with a trusted friend, I connect with others when I share my heart through written words, but I’m not a writer.
I’ve told myself for a long time, “I don’t care about writing. Writing is part of what I do, but I’m not a writer.”
The thought of writing a book felt overwhelming. How would I even begin such a massive project? So instead I’ve shared my heart through photos and short blog posts and heartfelt paragraphs.
And I’ve been fine with that. Mostly.
For the last year I’ve been working with an executive coach and it’s been life changing. I wanted to know how to make my business better. I hoped to focus my time and energy on things I’m passionate about and remove distractions from my life. I wanted to uncover my life purpose.
He started by having me complete a couple inventories to understand my values and strengths. What emerged, to my surprise, is word; both written and spoken, is very important to me.
“That’s strange”, I thought, “because I’m not a writer.”
Or am I?
I love written words. I love story telling. I’m passionate about being honest and vulnerable. This community has been a place where I connect and grow. We’ve journeyed together, sometimes in person, but most often through written words.
“What if I am a writer?” I thought.
I felt a spark of hope in my heart and a turning in my stomach. The thought both thrilled and terrified me.
What if deep down I want to write but I’ve been afraid to admit it to myself? What if I’m not pursuing the thing I’m most passionate about because I’m scared?
“I want to write.” I allowed the words to move through my brain and settle on my shoulders.
“I want to ask my heart what it wants to say and share it with others. I want to connect on a heart level through written words.”
I’ve told myself so many negative messages over the years.
For years I told myself I wasn’t a good dancer, but I learned to dance. In fact, my husband and I fell in love during swing dance classes.
I told myself I wasn’t athletic, but as an adult I’ve learned to love hiking and my body is strong.
I’ve told myself I wasn’t good at parallel parking but I think I’ve finally mastered it.
What if my negative messages are simply away to assuage my fears?
Oh my gosh, what if I’m a writer?
I’ve begun making space for quiet. I’ve begun setting aside time to write. As soon as I slowed down to do these things words started coming and coming fast. So I put them down on paper—even though I was scared. When I went back and read over my words I knew, yes, this is what my heart wanted to say. I published my thoughts, my feelings, my heart on my blog even though I had a lump in my throat.
And you read my words and encouraged me. You left comments to share your own story, your own heart. Thank you.
As I’m making time for quiet and making space for writing, I can feel this what I’m meant to do. I’m growing and learning as I write. I’m beginning to dip my toes into deeper waters, wondering if I could write a book some day.
I’m learning what it looks like to live with honesty and bravery.
I’m finding courage even in my fear.
I’m beginning to believe I’m a writer.
What if the thing you fear most is what truly matters most to your heart?
Is there a negative message you’ve been telling yourself? Share the first thing that comes to mind. Let’s dream big together!