this morning as i was getting ready, i started thinking about mother’s day. i  thought back to that very first day i became a mother. because david was born with a disability those days were dark and scary.  i was afraid. we were grieving and trying to make sense of our new world.

the day after david was born, one of the neonatologists gave us david’s diagnosis. the words came out in slow motion. the sounds were there but i couldn’t comprehend their meaning.

cornelia de lange syndrome.

severe retardation.

he won’t be able to eat.

he won’t speak, he won’t walk.

he’ll need life long care.

my heart felt ripped apart as the words buzzed around my head trying to make sense.

i wonder what would have happened if that same neonatologist, in some prophetic way, could have seen our future. what if he would have told me things like,

he’ll change your world in beautiful and amazing ways.

he’ll show you how to love more deeply than you can imagine.

his smile will light up a room.

he’ll wrap his arms around your neck and and work his way into your heart.

he will run and laugh and love life.

you will know his soul and he will know your soul.

could i have heard those words? could i have understood them? looking back, i think steve and i had to walk through sorrow and watch hope grow. we had to grieve and fall in love with david–for who he is and not for who we thought he would be. we had to journey, step by step, to understand the amazing gift that was placed in our arms that day.

david, i am so absolutely, undeniably grateful to be your mom. i love you sweet boy!